These are some of my favorite quotes from movies, songs, books, friends.. whatever and whenever. They are just lines that continually come to my mind in certain situations in life.


This first quote here.. is my life when it comes to women it seems. I just recently saw Chasing Amy and I was completely floored. What a fantastic movie. Anyway, I couldn't find this quote anywhere on the web so it's taken from a script copy of the movie. I'm not trying to plagiarize here, I just couldn't find it anywhere else. Enjoy.

BOB: Youre chasing Amy.
Holdens head snaps forward. He stares, wide-eyed at Silent Bob.
HOLDEN: What..what did you say?
BOB: Youre chasing Amy.
Holden stares, shocked. He looks to Jay, whos still rolling his joint.
JAY: What do you look so shocked for? He does this all the time. Fat bastard thinks just because he never says anything, that itll have some huge impact when he does open his fucking mouth.
BOB: Why dont you shut up? Jesus! Always yap, yap, yapping all the time. Give me a fucking headache.
(says to Holden) I went through something like what youre going through. Years ago. Same kind of thing with a girl named Amy.
JAY: When?
BOB: A couple of years ago.
JAY: Whatd she Live in Canada or something? Why dont I remember this?
BOB: What you dont know about me I can just about squeeze into the Grand fucking Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?
Jay and Holden look at him. Silent Bob busts a move with his hands.
BOB: Hunhh? Bet you didnt know that?
JAY: Just tell your fucking story so we can get out of here and smoke this.
BOB: (to Holden) So theres me an Amy, and were all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you dont really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and Im okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - menage a tois, I believe its called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, Im not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
JAY: Saint Shithead.
Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to strike.
BOB: Do something.
(says to Holden) So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, Im out for blood I want to hurt her - because I dont know how to deal with what Im feeling. And Im like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and shes telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didnt do anything wrong, so shes not gonna apologize. So I tell her its over, and I walk.
JAY: Fucking A.
BOB: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasnt disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like Id lacked experience, like Id never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didnt get was that she didnt care. She wasnt looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. Shed moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
Everyones silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette.
BOB: So Ive spent every day since then chasing Amy... (takes a drag from his smoke) So to speak.
-Chasing Amy


Holden: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it. I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
-Chasing Amy

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
-Barfly

Wanda: I hate people.
Henry: I don't. I just like it better when they're not around.
-Barfly

Dante: A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent.
-Clerks

Randal: Who cares? That guy's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
-Clerks

Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work, most of them just cheat on you.
-Clerks

Brodie: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega. (I once had an ex who got pissed at me for getting up out of bed to play TradeWars at 2am, and this was AFTER sex, snuggling, and listening to her snore for 10 minutes)
-Mallrats

Holden: There's a world of fucking difference between typical high school sex and getting fucked by two guys at the same time!
-Chasing Amy

The more people I meet the more I like my dog
-Unknown

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
-Andrew A. Rooney

Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?!
-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!

Banky: That's what the Internet is for, slandering others anonymously.
-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!

Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today
-pretty much every Kevin Smith movie he's been in

Jay: Hey baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?
-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!

Jules: It ain't no ballpark either. Look maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but touchin' his lady's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her holyiest of holies, ain't the same ballpark, ain't the same league, ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Foot massages don't mean shit.
-Pulp Fiction

Vincent: That's a pretty fucking good milkshake.
-Pulp Fiction

The Wolf: Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet.
-Pulp Fiction

Mr. Pink: I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the governemnt shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise. (I never tip unless it's above par service.. I don't tip for average)
-Reservoir Dogs

Mr. White: You shoot me in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologize
-Reservoir Dogs

Bart: I've said it before, and I'll say it again...aye carumba!
-The Simpsons

Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
-The Simpsons

Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
-Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Blake: We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
-Glengarry Glen Ross

Blake: Put that coffee down. Coffee is for closers!
-Glengarry Glen Ross

Ricky Roma: They say you should not drink alcohol when its so hot.
-Glengarry Glen Ross

Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one --- the day you die.
-American Beauty

Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!
-American Beauty

Patrick Bateman: When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to be real nice and sweet and treat her right.
David Van Patten: And what did the other part think?
Patrick Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick!
-American Psycho

Danny Vinyard: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time.
-American History X

Babs: Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
-Animal House

Bluto: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
-Animal House

Bluto: They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
-Animal House

And on the eighth day, god created beer
-Chasing Amy -written on a chalkboard in tthe bar where Alyssa and Holden are playing darts after the Comiccon

Flounder: May I have ten thousand marbles, please?
-Animal House

Banky: Hey, I always notice that bored look in her eyes.
-Chasing Amy

Melvin Udall: Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.
-As Good As It Gets

This has got to be one of the best lines and best comebacker ever...
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
-As Good As It Gets

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: Easy. I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
-As Good As It Gets

Tanner Boyle: All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!
The Bad News Bears

Squeak: Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here!
-BASEketball

Bob Costas: *You're* excited? Feel these nipples!
-BASEketball

Furious Styles: Any fool with a dick can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children.
-Boyz 'n The Hood

Joshua: Wouldn't you prefer a good game of chess?
-War Games

Luther: Warriors, come out and play-i-ay
-The Warriors

Luther: No reason... I just like doing things like that!
-The Warriors

Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
-Wayne's World

Wayne Campbell: I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.
-Wayne's World

Robert Boyd: If you take away the horror of the scene, take away the tragedy of the death, take away all the moral and ethical implications that have been drilled into your head since grade one, do you know what you're left with? A 105-pound problem that needs to be moved from point A to point B.
-Very Bad Things

Man Stoner: That's the most acid I've ever seen anyone take. I hope you're not busy for, like, a month.
-Up In Smoke

Julian: Jesus! Do I look like I'm ready for homework?
-Less Than Zero

Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.
-Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Caretaker: Oh I ain't saying you did or you didn't. All I'm saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother's pension checks and none of us would have minded. But shaving points off of a football game, man that's un-American
-The Longest Yard

Gimli: No one tosses a dwarf!
-Lord of the Rings - 2001

Jay: Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it.
Kay: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.
-Men in Black

Dr. Weaver: I hate the living.
-Men in Black

James Edwards: Yeah, he's just really excited and he has no clue why we're here.
-Men in Black

Kay: Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease throughout the greater galaxy.
-Men in Black

This one is by far one of my favorites.. and being that I live every day with less than a full heart, it always comes to mind.
Jay: You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Kay: Try it.
-Men in Black

Edgar/Bug: Y'know, I've noticed an infestation here. Everywhere I look, in fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscience pond scum, totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about in short pointless lives.
-Men in Black

(scene setup - they have locked themselves in a store in a mall)
Fran: What are they doing? Why do they come here?
Steven: Instinct, memory. This was an important place in their lives.
-Dawn of the Dead

Dawson: Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did it the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place. Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.
-Dazed and Confused

Tod: You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car -- hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
-Parenthood

Cynthia: The organ itself seemed like a, a separate thing, um, a separate entity to me. I mean, when he finally pulled it out, and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me.
-Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Graham: You're right, I've got a lot of problems... But they belong to me.
-Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither!
-The Outlaw Josey Wales

Fletcher: There's another saying, Senator... Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.
-The Outlaw Josey Wales

Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-Clerks

Bob Slydell: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.
-Office Space

Peter Gibbons: It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
-Office Space

Noelle: What's wrong, Abby?
Abby: Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.
-The Truth About Cats and Dogs